Family: It's Relative
One thing I learned during my country hopping period in 2007:
It's been unbelievably difficult, these short months since I've returned from Europe. The economy was of no help. Nor was the fact that the journalism industry has shed the most jobs of any other industry this year. Tis fact, indeed. Adding insult to injury, I spent the last two years challenging and growing myself to return and feel like it was all for naught.
While abroad, I experienced a family who opened their door with wide arms and welcomed me to their home and to their country. A family who shared with me their food, their customs and their plans without limitations or caveats. A family who supports my every endeavor with the great belief that I will one day achieve everything I set out to do, even if at first, I'm met with adversity. A family who always believes in me and never turns their backs.
Tis not whole family but Sunniva (jokester with Lamb Chop puppet) tells the whole story.
Doesn't that look like a place you want to be?
Conversely, I returned to a family with expressed limits of love and support. A family whose patience lasted weeks instead of months. A family who passively seeks to make you feel uncomfortable in their space. A family who closes the door and refuses a couch when a couch could make all the difference. A family who sows seeds of doubt and scoffs while pretending they're not. A family who judges as if their decisions were any better.
The way I look at it, friends can act like family and, thus, be family. Conversely, family can behave worse than strangers and just be relatives.
Along my path I've had to save my career by walking away from it. To find myself, I had to be alone. This year, I shed relatives to find family. In other words, I shed those I come from to find where I belong and it's a diverse place.
The next step on my path is taking me to the Virgin Islands where I've taken a job at, as it says on their letterhead, a Pulitzer Prize winning paper. To the scoffers, the doubters, the people who always try to bigger-better-deal me (um, that's you, Mr. Big) and those who didn't have time for me while I was making my way in the valley between two mountain peaks: Continue to underestimate me, tis how I will continue to best you, each and every time. And while you continue to live and die in the same spot, I will have conquered two-thirds of the world, while I work on conquering the rest.
From Loretta Youmans of my youth to the Reinertsens of now: My extended, blended, adopted family, I love you one and all and my thanks could never be enough!
Me and more of the Reinertsen clan for Gud Jule (Christmas 2007).
It's not about the destination but in the getting there.Tis my strong belief that truer words have never been spoken. Many of the funny stories I have from that time, are from the fleeting moments spent when traveling from one city to another. It is to be said that the same is also true in the journey of life. Maybe even more so. Lately, I've been thinking about family because this singular unit has an indelible impact on one's life journey.
It's been unbelievably difficult, these short months since I've returned from Europe. The economy was of no help. Nor was the fact that the journalism industry has shed the most jobs of any other industry this year. Tis fact, indeed. Adding insult to injury, I spent the last two years challenging and growing myself to return and feel like it was all for naught.
While abroad, I experienced a family who opened their door with wide arms and welcomed me to their home and to their country. A family who shared with me their food, their customs and their plans without limitations or caveats. A family who supports my every endeavor with the great belief that I will one day achieve everything I set out to do, even if at first, I'm met with adversity. A family who always believes in me and never turns their backs.
Doesn't that look like a place you want to be?
Conversely, I returned to a family with expressed limits of love and support. A family whose patience lasted weeks instead of months. A family who passively seeks to make you feel uncomfortable in their space. A family who closes the door and refuses a couch when a couch could make all the difference. A family who sows seeds of doubt and scoffs while pretending they're not. A family who judges as if their decisions were any better.
The way I look at it, friends can act like family and, thus, be family. Conversely, family can behave worse than strangers and just be relatives.
Along my path I've had to save my career by walking away from it. To find myself, I had to be alone. This year, I shed relatives to find family. In other words, I shed those I come from to find where I belong and it's a diverse place.
The next step on my path is taking me to the Virgin Islands where I've taken a job at, as it says on their letterhead, a Pulitzer Prize winning paper. To the scoffers, the doubters, the people who always try to bigger-better-deal me (um, that's you, Mr. Big) and those who didn't have time for me while I was making my way in the valley between two mountain peaks: Continue to underestimate me, tis how I will continue to best you, each and every time. And while you continue to live and die in the same spot, I will have conquered two-thirds of the world, while I work on conquering the rest.
From Loretta Youmans of my youth to the Reinertsens of now: My extended, blended, adopted family, I love you one and all and my thanks could never be enough!
Posted by LoisLane at Thursday, September 24, 2009 12:23 PM 
Categories: Times in Life,Potted Luck,The Road Less Traveled
Tags: career Ailenka moving life Ailene family Virgin Islands Torres
Categories: Times in Life,Potted Luck,The Road Less Traveled
Tags: career Ailenka moving life Ailene family Virgin Islands Torres
Wonderful! Just WONDERFUL!!! Every now and then one of your blogs seems to merge into my own life experience, kinda like a Mary J. Blige song. It just hits home. This was def one of them, the past year has seen me cut off some "friends" that I have had for YEARS and as recently as this week, a VERY close family member. It happens. Whatever. I love that about life though, that reinvention. One day you can be thinking and doing and feeling something or someone and the next...POOF BE GONE!! LOL! I am sooooo happy for you though. Your courage shines all over the words that you write and I am def a true believer in your talent as a writer and as a friend. I expect nothing but the best for you...as far as seeing 2/3rds of the world is concerned...I'm tryin to catch up and luckily I've met someone who is on that same train...so maybe one day I'll be able to! Til then I'll be living vicariously through you.
TC
Reply to this
Hey TiffC,
A MJB song? That's the biggest compliment I can imagine! Boy does music soothe the soul during those valley times in life.
As a Virgo, I have cleaned house but it's always been negative and drama-filled. Of course, this was spawned by negativity but I just waited it out and didn't have that knee-jerk reaction. I let people do them, and in doing that I understood what I was to do.
Ever since I was little, my life has been going in this direction. I've had surrogate families across this nation it seems and several in NYC alone. Never fear, for whomever you leave behind God, the universe, etc., replaces them with one who adds value to your life instead of sucking the life out of you!
I can remember when you were born (feels weird just saying that, alas tis true), and am happy that you are now part of my growing extended, blended family!
One day, we'll do that trip to Paris together! Just us gyals.
Reply to this
There are just so many things I like about the way you are embracing and living your life. Facing things head on, gathering rich experiences all over the world, confronting painful realities and taking a stand on them. I think it means I'm in your extended family because I'd love my son to meet you, or someone like you. Ha ha. Not going to push that, but know that I think you are just magnificent inside and out. A quality friend and a quality person. I will always be your cheerleader.
Reply to this
Linda B.,
You ARE in my extended, blended, adopted family! You know this, mayne!
Seriously speaking, they say: Like recognizes like. So if I'm quality, you are too.
I thank you for your support and encouragement while navigating those rough Tennessean seas and, more recently, over this summer. Although, I didn't articulate something was wrong, your words of encouragement helped me through.
I didn't want to carry this baggage with me to St. Thomas. These are bags that I needed to put down, in order to move forward. We both know as writers, this is the best way for us to do that.
Thanks for being there.
Reply to this
I guess I'm still in the process of shedding all that baggage from The Tennessean, too. I was so depressed there and so stuck in the machine. The only good thing I can say about that company is that I met a lot of great people, people I probably wouldn't have otherwise known. We were a kaleidoscope of characters and some of the patterns created seem lasting and beautiful. You are doing your work, walking your talk. All is well. I'm sure there will still be some hard things about the reporting world in St. Thomas, but you seem so uniquely suited to dive into the experience. It's certainly not the last one you'll have, but I bet it's going to be quite an adventure.
Reply to this
This reminds me of my host families in Kyrgyzstan.
I had two tremendously welcoming families there and then one final host family that made me feel like I was an unwanted guest. It's not surprising that with that third family I also got giardia.
But thankfully, the first two host families did provide me with some wonderful memories.
Reply to this
Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!! Words can not express how happy we are for you, Ailene! Thank you for all your nice words, they are kept in our hearts and you know how much we love you and how you have touched our hearts. Lots of love and happy thoughts from Atle, Siv Helen and the kiddies, your family in Stavanger xxx
Reply to this
@Brian: It's funny how people in different situations can react like polar opposites to you, who has not changed, isn't it?
Even though, you have wonderful memories, I bet you also learned a lot about yourself from the one bad one. I know I did.
@Siv Helen:
Marrying Ron is one of the best moves my mum made because it brought you and Atle into our lives. I feel so blessed to be a part of your life and family and the times spent with you, both, here and in Norway, will forever be special. I am, however, looking forward to making new memories with you guys and the kiddies on the rock.
Reply to this
So proud of you! You've come such a long way and done it without the support that most people tend to take for granted. Not having it has clearly made you stronger person and more appreciative of the support you DO get from those around you.
So happy about your new job; it couldn't have happened to a nicer, smarter or stronger person. Congrats xx
Reply to this
Hey K-Ryd,
Thanks! I agree with you about being appreciative of help that is given. Not to say I was ever unappreciative or took help for granted, but it definitely highlights those who are willing to stand with you without a familial obligation to do so against those who probably should.
One of my cousins, scoffed at the idea I make friends so easily. I'm glad I do because that's what enabled us (you and me) to stay in contact these many moons since I left France! So glad to have met you.
Reply to this
I understand what you mean. Apart from my sister, none of the rest of my family have ever supported me. I've relied upon 'the kindness of strangers' for a long, long time and many of them have also become closer to me than my family ever could.
I think it's a wonderful thing to be able to make friends with such ease! That gift(along with a little nudge from Facebook) has allowed me to get to know someone very special (i.e YOU!). You are an inspiration and endless source of support and encouragement xx
Reply to this
Karen,
I just try to be the shining light, I'd like to see in the world. And, my sis-n-law, Siv Helen, is a continued source of love, light, inspiration and encouragement to me. I try to take what she gives me and perpetuate it. It's good that we have a person close to us like that. My mum is good too but it's different having someone your own age, who didn't give birth to you, etc...
For all the bad, there is more good and I thank heaven for that!
Reply to this
Unfortunately, family is what it is!
Reply to this
An intersting read. I enjoyed your candor. Best of luck!
Reply to this
Your story seems great. I can only hope you sit still long enough to really evaluate your life, who are you truly, and how you affect those around you. Words on a page are easy to type and edit, actions are not.
From my experience most people are not willing to open up and give the world an invitation to who they really are. Most people can not meet someone and admit their worst qualities, in fact I think most people can not admit them to themselves.
I only say this because I have a family member who has tried and tried our patience, done everything to waste the help we have offered, and abused the love we offered as family. Needless to say we all have our limits, and ours has been reached. Sadly this person is too delusional to realize the negative impact that has been left in our lives. We who have been there from day one, the ones you would call "relatives".
Perspective is reality.
Reply to this
@Intrepid:
Thank you for taking the time to read it and leave your thoughts.
@Juliana...
First, I'd like to thank you for reading and sharing your perspective. However, I think it's presumptuous to assume I haven't evaluated my life because by your perception I'm not 'sitting still'. Introspection is not something that is done at certain intervals. It's done daily. It's done when making decisions and when dealing with adversity, as well as, the pleasantries of life. It is also because I have traveled and put myself in situations that the average American doesn't deal with normally like living in a non-native English-speaking, post Communist country that I know who I truly am, warts and all. I don't expect anyone to take care of me, nor do I want/ask for that.
Without airing dirty laundry, as there will be a time for that in a bound and published work, I can say that I know my relatives are indeed, fair weather as they prove they are interested only when the skies are blue. I have been on my own since I was 17 and only in times of great desperation have I needed help and only for a short period. I have routinely made it on my own, so though I understand your point regarding limits with your 'delusional' relative, it doesn't apply here.
Furthermore, how do you put limits on familial support? We are not talking about someone who is a drug abuser or habitually unemployed...so where/why the limits? As a matter of fact, if I were a drug abuser, I'd have probably gotten more help. LOL.
Reply to this
Hello Again Lois,
Sorry, but I have really STRONG mixed feelings about what you wrote. I know not what the situation is with you and parents and siblings and cousins. From my personal experience though--they can be such valuable friends--sometimes because they are comfortable expressing their disagreement. I realize that they express their thoughts only from their perspective rather than your own--but at least, that gives you another point to think about. You certainly don't have to agree with them (life would be boring if we did always agree) but so long as they are interested in you out of love--isn't that worth treasuring? My family--those I "come from"--is scattered all about. I live in a town that I love, and I greatly value my friends--those who love me and I love them by "choice"--but the commonality that I have with siblings keeps me going. We do not have to leave one behind to capture the essence of the other. I encourage you to take the best that you can from one group and ignore the negatives. People are not like Kleenex--meant to be wadded up and thrown away unless they first toss you out. In most cases, family will never throw you away (except for my cousin Lee who divorced us all--but I do not have to answer to anyone for ignoring his existence.) PEACE! JAKE
Reply to this