Sex & Mr. Big
I hope you weren't expecting something about today's anniversary. I can't go there. Not yet. I just can't.
Fellow blogger, MoxieInTheCity of ...And That's Why You're Single, warns against blogging about your personal dating experiences. She says it jeopardizes any potential for a relationship now and in the future. Well, Moxie dear, your post was a bit late. In Not So Sweet and Downlow, I blogged about my version of Mr. Big and outed him as gay. If that wasn't relationship suicide, the text at nearly 6 a.m. informing him of my newfound knowledge and realization, certainly was. But hey, I'm a superwoman, says Alicia Keys, I take this shit in stride.
It's not like blogging about him, then or now, I'm putting any potential, substantive relationship at risk. I really never had a chance, as Mr. Big is king-size snob. Adding to that, even though I didn't call him out by name, he was a tad mad I thought him gay. Our last email exchange after the post went live, was not our friendliest and we both logged off relieved it was over. Me, for the games. Him, for the drama.
Fast-forward five months and lo' and behold, over it's not. Out of yonder blue sky, Mr. Big up and rings my phone last night. I have his number set to DNA (Read: Do Not Answer), so at first it went to voicemail. Then, I realized exactly which DNA it was for I have several. Thinking he dialed by accident, I rang back. Twas no accident.
Transfixed by the idea he still had my number, I could barely digest his greeting words: Do you really think I'm gay? Of course, for if I didn't, I wouldn't have published it. However, am I sure? Not 100-percent. No. Uh, unh. But wait, why does he care?
Mr. Big is the vilest of all cancerous crabs, as he retreats into his shell quite often, not unlike he did since late March of this year. Over the course of the 12 years I've known him, he's done this repeatedly. So I shouldn't be surprised but am, since I believed it was, indeed, over. As a romantic and pragmatic Virgo, I admit, I hoped the crux of his call would be: I have come to silly senses. Blah, blah, blah. Um, not this Crab.
Instead, Mr. Big told me how he plans to prove he's not gay. Then — wait for it —- make me pay for saying he was. Hmmm. The first part sounds delightful. If proven wrong, oh, how happy I would be! The second involves lots of pain and will avoid at all costs.
Even though my 12-year, round-n-round, on-again, off-again dealings with this Cancerous Crabcake has been taxing, the idea of sex, hopefully, the toe-curling, expletive-shouting, bitch-making sex, as promised, sounds like the move. Good sex pretty much exited my life along with my twenties. He left the ball (bah!) in my court. And, yes, the idea of recapturing my saucy sex life is enticing but at what cost?
Gone are my days of non-committal sex. Does Mr. Big not know how this Carrie feels about him? Does he not know that the idea of him being merely gayish (Read: Devastatingly Metrosexual) and not actually gay is something I'm willing to consider? Of course, he does. He knows, which is why he rang. Mr. Big is trying to play the very game, he's accused me of losing. I suck at it because tricks are for kids.
Mr. Big, you want any part of this? Here are your choices: Love me or leave me alone.
Fellow blogger, MoxieInTheCity of ...And That's Why You're Single, warns against blogging about your personal dating experiences. She says it jeopardizes any potential for a relationship now and in the future. Well, Moxie dear, your post was a bit late. In Not So Sweet and Downlow, I blogged about my version of Mr. Big and outed him as gay. If that wasn't relationship suicide, the text at nearly 6 a.m. informing him of my newfound knowledge and realization, certainly was. But hey, I'm a superwoman, says Alicia Keys, I take this shit in stride.
It's not like blogging about him, then or now, I'm putting any potential, substantive relationship at risk. I really never had a chance, as Mr. Big is king-size snob. Adding to that, even though I didn't call him out by name, he was a tad mad I thought him gay. Our last email exchange after the post went live, was not our friendliest and we both logged off relieved it was over. Me, for the games. Him, for the drama.
Fast-forward five months and lo' and behold, over it's not. Out of yonder blue sky, Mr. Big up and rings my phone last night. I have his number set to DNA (Read: Do Not Answer), so at first it went to voicemail. Then, I realized exactly which DNA it was for I have several. Thinking he dialed by accident, I rang back. Twas no accident.
Transfixed by the idea he still had my number, I could barely digest his greeting words: Do you really think I'm gay? Of course, for if I didn't, I wouldn't have published it. However, am I sure? Not 100-percent. No. Uh, unh. But wait, why does he care?
Mr. Big is the vilest of all cancerous crabs, as he retreats into his shell quite often, not unlike he did since late March of this year. Over the course of the 12 years I've known him, he's done this repeatedly. So I shouldn't be surprised but am, since I believed it was, indeed, over. As a romantic and pragmatic Virgo, I admit, I hoped the crux of his call would be: I have come to silly senses. Blah, blah, blah. Um, not this Crab.
Instead, Mr. Big told me how he plans to prove he's not gay. Then — wait for it —- make me pay for saying he was. Hmmm. The first part sounds delightful. If proven wrong, oh, how happy I would be! The second involves lots of pain and will avoid at all costs.
Even though my 12-year, round-n-round, on-again, off-again dealings with this Cancerous Crabcake has been taxing, the idea of sex, hopefully, the toe-curling, expletive-shouting, bitch-making sex, as promised, sounds like the move. Good sex pretty much exited my life along with my twenties. He left the ball (bah!) in my court. And, yes, the idea of recapturing my saucy sex life is enticing but at what cost?
Gone are my days of non-committal sex. Does Mr. Big not know how this Carrie feels about him? Does he not know that the idea of him being merely gayish (Read: Devastatingly Metrosexual) and not actually gay is something I'm willing to consider? Of course, he does. He knows, which is why he rang. Mr. Big is trying to play the very game, he's accused me of losing. I suck at it because tricks are for kids.
Mr. Big, you want any part of this? Here are your choices: Love me or leave me alone.
Posted by LoisLane at Friday, September 11, 2009 1:11 PM 
Categories: The Egg Chronicles,Times in Life,Potted Luck
Tags: gay Ailenka women men Cancers life dating Ailene Torres
Categories: The Egg Chronicles,Times in Life,Potted Luck
Tags: gay Ailenka women men Cancers life dating Ailene Torres
Mr. Big is caught already and he simply doesn't know it yet. What I mean is this, Mr. Big has known loislane for sometime and each time there's a break he goes out of his way to literally track her down to find her to lose her again and again. Mr. Big, admit you LOVE her and get on with it! This shouldn't continue as the longest "When Harry met Sally" movie.
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I have been 'outed' for being a closet homosexual before, and perhaps the wackest thing about, no, the two wackest things about it: 1) there was no real discussion before the verdict was handed down, and 2) I didn't make sex an issue to avoid complicating a fresh situation.
For any woman who suspects a man is in the closet, and openly detests (which she should), there should be some sort of etiquette. Perhaps you ask me BEFORE you blog about it. Doing otherwise seems...(what's the word I'm looking for)...tacky. Yes. Tacky.
Moreover, in this case, as in most, such verdicts, some of them fair, are the result of womanly jedi mind tricks. A man has not made a pass at you, or any sexual advances.
"He don't want this ill na na?"
Is it a shot to your ego?
Does it diminish your pride?
"He must be gay," is the only "reasonable" assumption.
So, you're recourse is to call him out, and then he has to prove that he's not gay. And in the end, you get what you want - sex.
But if you were grown, you could have just asked for it - if you were grown.
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Mr. Nerd,
Before I get down to brass tax, I'll consider that you didn't read the previous blog, Not So Sweet and Downlow. For if you did, you would know the following:
I did confront said person FIRST. That is to say (since you might miss it), before blogging.
Second, it wasn't ego-tripping on my part as he ran hot and cold on me from jumpstreet, as you would have known if you read the previous blog, which a link was conveniently provided for you by me. Furthermore, in previous blog, I listed all the reasons why he is a good catch, thus, would keep many women. Had my ego been an issue, I would not have admitted that. If ego was an issue, I wouldn't have even blogged about it.
Thirdly, the situation was brought to my attention by a MAN, who was, indeed, gay but then justified and rationalized by other heterosexual males, his contemporaries if you will. I might add, all married with children. Of course, you would have known most of this had you read the previous blog, again, which I conveniently provided for you.
Finally, I love the way you think you summed up a situation you didn't fully grasp.
1) I am grown. You better ask somebody, or at the very least, click around on this here blog.
2) I did ask for it.
3) He did promise it.
4) He didn't deliver what he promised.
5) He doesn't have to prove anything to me.
6) He wants to prove something to me.
7) And don't miss this: Sex, I can get. 'Tis not all I want.
Got it?
Thanks for stopping by.
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Alas Woman,
I don't think love is where his heart's at. It's somewhere hanging down around his knees. I think my ultimatum won't be of the sort he'll be inclined to engage, so I'm sure I've heard the last of him.
Nice thought, though.
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OK, first of all I don't understand why 'outing' someone is such a bad thing; it implies that there's something wrong with being gay and there ISN'T. A-Tor, you're entitled to express your opinion and if you feel that there were enough factors to lead you to the conclusion that his sexual orientation might be the reason why things weren't working between you, then I'm all for you printing it!
Right, now onto this guy. As a Cancerian myself, I can confirm that when we feel we've been crossed (as he appears to do) we can be the nastiest, most vindictive little crustaceans you have ever had the misfortune to meet. With long, well-serving memories and the most sensitive nature in the Zodiac, I'll bet my boots this guy is out to make you suffer BIG time. Having said that, it's impossible for someone to hurt you if you don't care about them, so he obviously does care very, very much. I don't know if it's love, but he seems a little too immature to understand the concept. My advice? keep him at arm's length to avoid that nasty pincer! Give him time and he may start to calm down.
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Hey K-Ryd,
Outing someone is a very controversial thing in American culture. With that said, (Nerd), I 'dated' this guy on-and-off for a long time and did have issues with the way he handled things. But there were/are lots of things about his lifestyle (not just me) that put his sexuality in doubt, however, I didn't publish his identity. So I don't see how anything I did was, as you (Nerd) say, tacky. He's largely unaffected by my realization, etc.
K-Ryd, again, your Cancerian ways are coming in handy. He is vindictive and the way he described making me pay is wholly undesirable to say the least. Either way, he's not the nice guy I thought him to be. He could have been straight up and left me alone if he didn't like me for any reason. He didn't choose that route. He choose to play this game and, well, I had me some crab salad.
How long would you say his pincer will be looking for something to claw? It's been 5 months. He should get over it. I have.
Thanks, hon. Your advice is appreciated.
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Is it?! How odd. It used to be like that in the UK a while back, but I think a major tabloid tried to 'out' Simon Cowell about 10 years ago and he basically said 'Um, if I was gay, I'd tell you. It's nothing to be ashamed of'. Since then, I've never really heard of celebs getting 'outed'. It's sooooo 90s haha!
I think Mr Nerd is wrong; it's not tacky because you had reason to suspect that he might be and naturally, it would have had a deep impact on the relationship. Worth a mention, I feel.
I agree, he SHOULD be over it by now. However, you have dented this man's pride (evident in the fact that he wants to PROVE to you that he's definitely heterosexual), so he isn't over it whatsoever.
How long will it take? Hmmm, I don't know the guy, but some Cancerians can take their resentment with them to the grave. He clearly does still like you and values your opinion...I'd sit back and watch how this one plays out for now.
You ever seen a hermit crab on the beach? Once they get in their shell, they very, VERY slowly start to inch their way out, unless the smallest movement causes them to rush back inside, flailing that pincer about with reckless abandon. His pincer's poised for attack right now, stay calm and wait til it starts to lower a little and he's back out of his shell.
You could be in for a loooooong wait, though. Now might be the time to develop an interest in crosswords, perhaps? That should help pass the time.
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BAH! K-Ryd! So 90s. Tis true. It's worse in certain subcultures and the fact that he's Caribbean certainly doesn't help matters.
He can be mad all he wants. With due deference, I merely suggested his behavior over the last decade plus, was in fact, a bit inline with downlow men. I didn't state it as fact.
Furthermore, hermit crab (BAH, I love that analogy. Brilliant!) or not, I'm not waiting on him. He better realize, I'm quite a catch myself and won't be available much longer, especially with where I'll be heading soon. (More on that later.) So if he indeed wants me, he'll need to sink or swim! *hahaha*
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