It's so strange: Going home is proving harder than leaving it.

When I left in 2007, I was filled with anxious anticipation. I was nervous about what I would experience and how I would handle it. I was nervous about whether I could actually travel by myself in places like France, Spain and Italy. I proved I could. I proved that I could not only travel alone but make friends wherever I am. Beyond that, I proved that I could not only go to a place for a short period of time and survive but that I could become part of a new culture instead of just a voyeur of it.

So why is it now that I'm returning home to a place I know well, that I'm experiencing what I can only characterize as fear. The whole episode is quite unsettling, especially since I'm leaving tomorrow and the inevitable is finally here. I'm thinking about packing up and it's all that I can do not to tremble.

Don't get me wrong, I'm ready to go and I'm excited to see family and old friends. I remain certain that leaving Europe now is the right decision. But the unknown variables have gripped me in a way that can be crippling: There are times when I don't want to move.

It's probably because my family in Norway has been beyond good to me. Coming here from Prague was definitely what the doctor ordered but unlike there, I have  good reasons to want to stay in Stavanger. I've grown to love this country — as cold as it is — and regard it as my home away from home.

I keep thinking, maybe I would feel better if I was going directly into a new job. But then, I wouldn't have time to reacquaint myself. This way, while I look for a job, I can catch up on what I've missed. I prefer the latter scenario over the former. So that's not it.

Then, I think maybe I would feel better if I went ahead and got a place of my own. But again, that would have increased the pressure to find a job. And while a modicum of pressure is good, that's the sort I can do without. So no.

I must remember I'm not returning to something unfinished. I don't have to pick up where I left off. I'm starting something brand new. So slowly, I'm coming to terms with this new unscripted chapter of my life. I know everything happens for a reason. There's something to be learned from my new found discomfort. It's my job to figure it out.

Until then, I should stop procrastinating on the Web and go pack.